is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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