Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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