someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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