Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The adults are the big ones right?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
