Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
