dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
