so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
