So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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