Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
