i think my mom watched the whole time
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
