Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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