Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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