but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
