White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
