whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
