I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
