Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
