After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
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