he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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