I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
