Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
