I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
