u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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