So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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