the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
