im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
