the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
