Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
