I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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