Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
