I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
