its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
