you're like a bully in the Christmas story
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
