Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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