while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
