She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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