i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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