In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
