A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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