I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
