Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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