I just made out with a guy for $7.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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