Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
