did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
accomplished twins. life is a go
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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