I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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