She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
