Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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