Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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