Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
