thus making me awesome and them whores
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
