You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I fill condoms, not promises.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
