Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
