I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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