The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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