There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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