I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
