Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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