this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
