Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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