you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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