I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
