can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I supernannyed him into submission
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
