Your face is a jimmy john
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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