considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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