life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
