apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
only you would photoshop your dick
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
