So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
