shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
