i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
