I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
