Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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