Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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