Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
