I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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