i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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