i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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