I murdered the dance floor call the cops
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize