He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Randomize
