you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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