i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
