First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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