if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
